On the outside looking in

Have you ever felt like you were on the outside looking in?  I spent my college years wondering what the "big" secret was and why didn't I know it? It felt like everyone else around me knew what "IT" was except me.

I was too afriad to ask. I didn't want people to think I was stupid.
I'm not stupid.

alone (ə lōn”) apart from other persons or things  <----- that is exactly how I felt

Maybe they felt just as lost as I did. Maybe they all thought I knew what the big secret was all about and they were afriad of asking me because they didn't want to sound stupid. Or maybe I'm just crazy.

I was 21 when my doctor told me he thought I was depressed.I had been to him all summer for various symptoms and nothing got better - oh yeah- and I stopped reading and creating. Depression was the reason for the sleepless nights, lack of energy, vauge aches and pains and loss of interest in activites that I really enjoyed. Depression. That was something you felt because something bad happened and nothing bad had happened so how could I be depressed?

I was put on some medications that had horrible side effects and started talk therapy. If I heard "you need to reduce your stress" one more time I was going to SCREAM! Reduce stress- is that like cutting back on your calories intake? No one could tell me HOW I was supposed to reduce the stress. So here I was on the outside looking in again wondering what the big secret was.