Depression hurts....

...and for that you can take- whatever the drug du-jour is. I hate those commercials. Yes depression hurts. In my case it manifests in physical pain in my joints, lower back and head.  Add that to the depression and it hurts. The best way I can think of to describe depression for me is this: it's like having a Dementor following me around ...sucking the happiness out of me and leaving only the worst memories and huge holes in my heart so I can't hold any happines inside of it.

People who aren't depressed don't understand. I try to explain but they still don't get it. I don't want to be this way but I am. On my good days I fight it with everything I have but some times the bad days outweigh the good ones. My SO once said to me why can't you be happy like me? I wish it were that easy. I wish I had a magic wand I could wave to make it go away. I take medication everyday for this depression. I hate the meds. I hate that the meds take away my ability to cry and to really feel. The meds numb my feelings. I know you are thinking that's good though right? That helps you cope but there are times when I really need to cry....

I have been fighting depression really hard lately. My meds aren't enough. Of course it doesn't help that this has been the winter from hell with tons of snow and freezing rain and no sun for 30+ days straight. My depression is much worse in the winter than any other time of the year but it never really goes away.