Friday, November 23, 2012

50 shades of crazy

drugs to make you feel better
drugs to help you sleep
drugs to keep you from hurting yourself
drugs, drugs, drugs....

"but I don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.

let's talk about it
how do you feel?
why do you feel this way?
what can you do differently?

"oh, you can't help that," said the Cat

wanting to be normal
wanting to change
wanting to be like everyone else

"We're all mad here. I'm mad, You're mad."

no, i don't hear voices
i just don't care
i want to sleep - forever
just let me stay home - safe, secure, alone
i'm ok with that

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.


oh, my daughters, i get it
i know how much it hurts
how much it sucks to be numb

but i also know - deep down- how much i have to live for
how much i have to offer the world
even when my inner voice tells me i'm not good enough
or not worth it

-but- and there is ALWAYS a but-

"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

when will you get to that point too?
when will you see how many people really love you
and love you for who you are- not who you think they want you to be?
when will you see that it's ok to have bad days because good days can and WILL follow
when will you just accept this crazy life you've been given?
accept it and be
because giving in to the crazy hurts you and everyone around you
accept the help
use the tools you are given
and ASK when it's too much

"Do you think I've gone round the bend?"

"I'm afraid so.
You're mad, bonkers, completely off your head.
 But I'll tell you a secret.
All the best people are"

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

what is this?

i have only had two serious panic attacks in my life and neither one of them were caused by any sort of traumatic experience. in fact they both happened on relatively normal days.
if you have ever had a panic attack let me tell you they are scary
you feel like your heart is going to jump out of your chest
and you can't breathe
and all sorts of weird thoughts go through your head
and with one i actually vomited

so lately i have been having these little panic episodes
these creep up on me first with fluttery heart beats
then the swirly thoughts come in
and i feel like i am detached from where i am
and finally i begin to self doubt
like- why am i teaching?  my art work is all crap.
who am i kidding? i don't know anything.....
and it goes on

and then all i want to do i crawl into a ball and do nothing
cuz if i do nothing then no one will be able to see that i
am an impostor.

where does this come from? everything was going so well
panic attack

Thursday, November 8, 2012

thanks kermit, i needed to hear that

Jim Henson KermitIf just one person believes in you,

Deep enough, and strong enough, believes in you...

Hard enough, and long enough,

It stands to reason, that someone else will think

"If he can do it, I can do it."

Making it: two whole people, who believe in you

Deep enough, and strong enough,

Believe in you.

Hard enough and long enough

There's bound to be some other person who

Believes in making it a threesome,

Making it three.....

People you can say: believe in me.....

And if three whole people,

Why not -- four?

And if four whole people,

Why not--more, and

more, and


And when all those people,

Believe in you,

Deep enough, and strong enough,

Believe in you...

Hard enough, and long enough

It stands to reason that you yourself will

Start to see what everybody sees in


And maybe even you,

Can believe in you... too!