be the change you wish to see

about a week ago i wrote about change and how it happens and how hard it is. i was referring to internal change- a behavior or an attitude or outlook.

today it's about change again.



Susan is in the stripes on the right and
 I am in the back on the left without glasses

 my life is about to change as i know it. May 1st my oldest sister-Susan- is moving into my household.
she brings with her a suitcase full of medications
a cane
a walker
an oxygen machine
and her little dog Chloe

Susan is only 54 but has a lot of health problems- mental and physical health problems and she can't live alone anymore. we had a trial run this past week. you see she wanted to get her affairs in order while she was feeling pretty good. so she stopped at my brother's office and got him working on her will and power of medical attorney. then she picked out the funeral home she wanted and made an appointment to discuss her funeral arrangements and get things paid for....

and so many people tell me what a saint i am for doing this what a good person and how kind and....
and i am not- i am her sister and she has no place else to go.  we're family. mom used to say whenever we had to do something we really didn't want to do or made us uncomfortable that someday we'd get our reward in heaven....
i'm not looking for a reward in heaven. i'm not looking for sainthood. i'm just doing what's right. no one should have to die alone.
i was born and raised a catholic. i don't go to church anymore and practice catholicism anymore. but i do have faith. strong faith in something bigger and better than me.


this situation with my sister made me think about current events in the world
 
disasters strike, people loose their homes, their loved ones even their own lives. kids are left orphaned and people are left hopeless, helpless and depressed.
this is just my own personal opinion but i feel that many people find it easier to help a perfect stranger than someone in their own family. how many times have you said let me know if i can do anything while secretly hoping that person never will.
text a $10 donation to the red cross and never have to interact with another human.
if the sermon  moves you enough throw a couple of bucks into the extra collection for the poor....and so on and so forth
when it comes right down to it how many people are actually willing to DO something?

i texted my $10 dollar donation to the red cross for Japan.
i threw a couple of dollars into the collection plate and left.
i can't take the next flight to Hati and help rebuild and i can't do anything more for Japan but i can do somehting right here in my own house. taking my sister in won't put an end to hunger nor will it be the impetus for world peace. what it will do is make a difference in the life of one woman- my sister- and in doing that maybe it will make a difference in the lives of her two daughters and maybe in turn it will make a difference in the lives of their four sons....and so on and so forth...and maybe i can be the change i wish to see in the world...

change

change is a scary word.

there are 38 different ways to use the word. verb, noun, idiom...the definition that i am referring to is this one: to become different:... to become altered or modified... to become transformed

when someone close to you changes it can be difficult to accept. it can make you question their motives and maybe even re-examine your life. when you try to change a facet of your personalty or a behavior it's a big risk. some people in your life refuse to accept the idea that you are changing. they can be very detrimental to your progress and may even sabotage your efforts.

change is not easy. but it's necessary. think about it- if nothing ever changed- life would be stagnant.

random thoughts

lately there have been all these random thoughts and snippets of ideas floating in my head
i don't know where they come from but i do know that i have to write them down somewhere or they will take over and i'll get bogged down in them so here they are- no rhyme no reason no order-just random thoughts


there's a hole in my heart
i don't know how it got there or when
and i don't know how to fix it
i keep looking for the perfect patch
but stuff keeps leaking out no matter what i do

they told me to forget about him

turn and walk away

that boy -they said- is not good enough

for you

tell that to my heart

convince my soul that we don't belong together

and why should i listen to "them" anyway?

who are you to decide what is best for me?

who's idea was it to be the bravest?

i know it wasn't me

because i know i am NOT brave

it's all a mask

it's all pretend

it's what i do to get me through my day

yet everyone looks to me and says

you- go do it- you're the bravest

i am not!

i am terrified

i don't like these two words

they are so cold

so final

so...i don't know

....and they all lived Happily Ever After

how can they live Happily Ever After when it's followed by

THE END

there isn't anymore

invisiblity

Elizabeth Wurtzel
From Book Prozac Nation

Artsonia "Artist of the Week"

Carly602

I participate in Artsonia- the world's largest online art museum of children's artwork. I teach over 60 kids in the studio from Pre-K through high school. This week two of my students have been nominated for "Artist of the Week" Please take a moment and go vote for them. Thanks!

Tori611

pay it forward

I am participating in a great blog event called "Pay it Forward 2011". I heard about it from Cat at Tattered Rebel and I just knew I needed to be a part of it. Here is the deal:

The first 5 people who comment on this post will receive a gift handmade by me, Laura of outside-the-lines. In return, you must write a blog post explaining Pay It Forward 2011 and send your first 5 commenters a gift handmade by you. It's a great way to make new friends and spread some handmade love around Blogland. With all of the talent that abounds around here, it should be a very fun time. No rush to send them out today or even tomorrow, but do make sure you send them out.

"It's not the size of the item that matters, but the spirit of paying it forward."

"I believe in Karma. If the good is sown, the good is collected. When positive things are made, that returns well."
Yannick Noah

so let me get this straight....

Kelsey Grammer can end a 15 year marriage by phone, Larry King can be on divorce #9, Britney Spears had a 55 hour marriage, Jesse James and Tiger Woods, while married, were having sex with EVERYONE, 53% of Americans get divorced and 30-60% cheat on their spouses.

Yet, same-sex marriage is going to destroy the institution of marriage?

Really?

don't let a blank page scare you

“Dreams are like the paints of a great artist. Your dreams are your paints, the world is your canvas....

 

yesterday i was the guest speaker at the high school creatinve writing class

i find them to be intimidating and vulnerable at the same time. and so full of dreams ...
one of the topics i brought up was keeping some sort of place where you can record thoughts, ideas, derams and stuff on you at all times. yeah- i am talking about a journal
i have been keeping journals since i was in 5th grade. back then it was little gold diary with a lock and key. no idea what happened to that one but i am sure if i found it today it would make me laugh...or maybe cry- how many dreams did i have then that never came true?

i don't "journal" in the same sense that most people do- i consider what i do more like idea/sketch/journal books...my books are filled with pictures from magazines or catalogues , quotes by persons of interest to me, doodles, sketches, ideas, websites...just all sorts of information i may find useful. some of my journals are all about places i have been. some are just filled with quotes and some still empty waiting for the right time to begin marking on the pages.

 i always carry one or two in my purse-

these are my current ones

-i never know where inspiration will come from. sometimes it hits when i am trying to let go of my day and fall asleep - then i have to get up and quick write it down so i will remember in the morning

none of my journal pages are works of art in and of themselves but many of them have been a spring board for other pieces. then there is this super cool special one of a kind journal  by Miss Morgan Hiscocks made just for me that i keep letters written to me from my daughters who are away at school and other writings of mine and such. and yes i do carry this one around too when i am carrying a bigger bag and i know i will be someplace where i can be alone with my thoughts for awhile and dream....

Believing, is the brush that converts your dreams into a masterpiece of reality.”