" I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel. "



"I just don't understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed. "

disconnect

"i am sorry the number you have dialed has been disconnected or is temporally out of service. if you feel have reached this message in error please hang up and dial again...."

driving home from work last night i was behind a mini van and inside they were watching 'king fu panda' on their little dvd player

that bothered me

not kung fu panda - cute movie- it bothered me that there were probably children in that vehicle- being entertained by an electronic device

i am a mom- i have 4 kids- all grown up now and there were car trips when i wished there was something to keep them quiet and entertained -usually on long car trips

but then i thought about all the short trips around town with them and snippets of long ago conversations floated through my head

"mom- you need to turn here"
why?
"because the sun is in my nose and i don't like it"

"are we lost?"
no

"good, i am not sure i really want to go on an adventure right now"

"hey mom?'

yes?

"can i talk to you about something...."

hey parent in the van? maybe if you disconnect now you won't be disconnected from your children later- just saying'

car time is priceless

directionally challenged

why is that some people have this natural sense of where things are?
like some sort of internal GPS and no matter where they are the never seem to get lost?
not me
i am directionally challenged- this is not a comment on my stature- being only 5ft tall i think i have heard EVERY short joke. ever.

nope this is more like I get lost

easily

pretty weird for someone who always scored phenomenally well on the maps portion of the Iowa Tests of Basic Skills- OK so maybe not so weird when you consider i was not trying to read the map and drive at the same time.
i will be headed to Omaha this weekend to spend some time with Biz and it is causing some anxiety because i am not real familiar with the Omaha area and after awhile all cities start to look alike and what you thought was a landmark was really something you saw in another city

it all makes me crazy

so, if i don't post again it's because i got lost going into Omaha and ended up in the wilds of South Dakota and got attacked by a wild flesh eating Jackalope. (those critters are dangerous)

there's a hole in the bottom of my cup

it's too tiny to see but every time i take a drink there are a couple of drops of iced tea on my desk
i keep wiping them away

but they keep coming back

sort of like depression

you can't see it

but it's there and i keep trying to wipe it away

but it keeps coming back
little drops of me getting wiped away
until what?
until there's nothing left?
i poured my iced tea into a different cup
problem solved

why isn't there isn't an easy fix for what's inside of me?

crayons

 a new school year with a NEW box of crayons
there is something about the feel and smell of crayons that immediately takes me to my happy place

i saw a piece on Pineterest and had to re-pin it to my board - it was one of those AH-HA moments

a while back i wrote about a doodle  i had done
this doodle came about because of my daughter Kelsey - she is on the autistic spectrum and doesn't get the world the same way many other people do
we had many moments filled with all sorts of emotions and usually all in very loud voices
some of my art students got to experience Kelsey in all her "glory" after she stormed out of the studio one very sensitive and astute young man said very softly-

crayons melt- people shouldn't

i wanted to hug him because i knew exactly what he was thinking

 so when i saw the melted crayons on Pinterest i knew they belonged together like peanut butter and jelly

this is going on the studio wall

for Kelsey - because some days for her are like melted crayons - and even though she's melted down on me i can still see her beauty

DREAM BIG!

Why not? I mean what do you have to lose beside a little bit of time?
So that's what I did. I am competing with small businesses across America for a $50,000 grant from Intuit

You can help me win by voting for me. That red heart on my blog will help you do that.

What would I do with $50,000? oh my......

I would give my art room a total makeover. Currently I am teaching 90 private students in the studio. I love my art room but it could use some professional organizing instead of the hand-me-down make it work storage system I have now.

 The drop ceiling would disappear and it would be painted white with a loft and a skylight that would OPEN for fresh air.





And then there would be organized storage all on one wall in one place! Everything would be labeled so each one of my students could find what they need!


I would have this professionally designed and done by my very dear NEW architect friend Kristen Greteman.

Dreams can come true can't they?
If you vote for me you can help it happen.

Spread the word.

Thank you.

what is happening to us?

a group of well intentioned intelligent people in my community tried to get a bond issue passed to relocate our library- which is very small- to a new site. i became part of this group because i liked the fact that they were going to take a 'brownfield site"  and reclaim it for the library. this would clean up an area of our city that needs it plus it would keep our library located close to the center of town. this did not happen over night. a committee was formed over 5 years ago to look into a larger library. lots of time, effort and volunteer hours were spent on the project with two years spent on planning for the final chosen site. everything was OK until one man - just one- decided he didn't like this idea at all and he started a one man campaign against the project. he took out quarter page ads in the local newspaper. and when he was asked to have a sit down discussion and debate his views with the people who had been working on this project he refused. yet he continued to bully the community with propaganda and fear. did i mention that money was no object in his campaign- he personally funded his bully campaign.

 those of us who wanted to see this new library happen were able to generate over 1Million dollars in pledges and grants towards the project.

the bond issue was resoundingly defeated. the next day this bully had the audacity to call the president of the library board of trustees to ask if she wanted to work with him on his plan for the library- and it was OK to say no- she said no.

he then took about another quarter page ad in the newspaper and basically said we were poor sports about the vote so we  "took our ball and went home".

now, i don't know about you but when i was a kid i avoided  bullies. they didn't play fair and someone- usually me or my friends- got hurt. so we would pack up our things and leave. it wasn't easy to confront a bully.  and it still isn't.

i keep shaking my head and asking myself what is going on?


 i really would like to know.

why do we put up with this kind of behavior?