it needs to be said

this was the status on a friend's facebook page today ...
 

Things that are hard to say but are entirely good to say:

 

 

 

pretty insightful for an 18 year old - and oh so wise

it's raining and i don't have an umbrella

some days i walk around with my own personal cloud hanging over my head and it's only raining on me.

and i don't want to do anything except stay in bed with the quilt up over my head

i can see a little patch of blue sky through the window and i can watch it for hours and hours

but it never gets closer to me

the sun is shining outside

but inside it's raining

and I don't have an umbrella

keeping it real

i read somewhere that sometimes things have to fall apart before they can fall together.
what i want to know is how often do they have to fall apart?
it seems to me that as soon as i get it all together something happens to rip it all apart.
then i have to reassemble the pieces and hope i can make them fit.

and sometimes they don't all fit together

and sometimes i have a piece left over

what do i do with it?

is it any wonder why i am angry, confused, worried, frustrated and sad?

i can't sleep

can't think

can't focus

i have so many questions and NO answers!

are you there god? it's me laura and we need to talk.....

Happiness is......

"I think I'm afraid to be happy, because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens."--Charlie Brown

the polyesters must die

I know it sounds harsh but there it is. I am a part of the blue jeans generation. I have been wearing Lee jeans for decades. Why? Because they fit! Finding the perfect fit for jeans is like finding the perfect bra.

Fit

Comfort

Style

These are VERY IMPORTANT.  So when you find a pair of jeans that meets all of these criteria you buy them. And you wear them until the literally fall apart. I have worn jeans that were held together with safety pins and patches because they were comfortable and they fit.

Jeans are like your best friend- you know that no matter what they will always be just what you need. So having a pair get to the unwearable stage can be pretty traumatic. I wasn't too worried because I had my trusty Lee jeans that fit just right every time -even new off the shelf. So when I had to retire two pairs recently because I couldn't fix them anymore I went to Penny's and picked up 2 new pairs. (Did I mention that I am short - like only 5' tall?) I have been buying my jeans at Penny's for years because they carry my size in short (which means a 29" inseam which is still 2" too long but I can deal with it because it's better than 6" too long)

So, fast forward a couple weeks. My new jeans are driving me nuts. It's a gradual thing. I'd put them on and they'd be OK but as the day wore on I'd start to get cranky and tense because my skin was too tight. Next day an old pair is next in the stack and I'd have a pretty good day. Maybe it's menopause and hot flashes. Another week goes by and I have washed, dried and folded my stack of jeans and the two pairs of new jeans are back to back. By the end of the second day of wearing the new jeans I want to rip someones head off while I am trying to rip off chunks of skin form my legs because they itch so bad.

First thing I do is go and check out the laundry soap. Hubs brought home the same brand I have been using for years- Arm and Hammer because I have very sensitive skin and am allergic to perfumes and dyes. Nope- same stuff. Something BAD is going on. meanwhile my legs look like I have some serious mysterious disease and I am CRABBY!

Finally I check my new jeans. PISSED! They changed the fiber content on me! 70% Cotton and 30% POLYESTER!!!!! (Insert unladylike 4 letter word here) I am allergic to polyester. I just spent $60 for two pairs of jeans that I can't wear. It never occured to me that my favorite blue jeans would chnage their fiber content. UGH!  I can't return them to Penny's- they've been washed and worn several times and I don't have my recipt! So I went to the Lee's website to see what I could find and they have a live chat feature on their website so you can get the perfect fit. I logged in and explained my problem to Marilyn. After a brief exchange Marilyn gave me the 800 customer service number. I called right away and MARILYN answered the phone. She was awesome and explained why they changed the fiber content. I told her about my problem with that and she graciously took down all my information- name address phone number- so she could call me back after she checked some of the 100% COTTON old stock they have to see if she could find me two pairs to replace the new ones I bought.   SHE IS SENDING ME TWO NEW PAIRS OUT TODAY!!!!! 100% COTTON!

umbrella

it's a funny word. sometimes i look at a word and then i really LOOK at it and it gets me to thinking....
which lead me to looking up "umbrella"

"Parasol" from "para" meaning to stop or to shield and "sol" meaning sun. The word "umbrella" evolved from the Latin "umbella" (an "umbel" is a flat-topped rounded flower) or "umbra", meaning "shaded."
thank you Wikipedia

an umbrella is supposed to shield you from the rain - or in the case of a parasol shade you from the sun

shield

protect

cover

guard

from the rain and the sun and sometimes it can be used as a means to protect you from a hostile situation

i like umbrellas. it's a cocoon of portable personal space. you can listen to the rain drops on top and see them drip off the sides. a parasol is the same way-you claim your own personal space of shade- like a bubble. and it's cozy there. yeah- umbrella

roots and wings

There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.  Hodding Carter

kelsey and i talked about this quote while she was in the hospital. as a mom i focused on giving my children a strong sense of family and home. home is where you can be yourself and know that you are loved no matter what. i have also given my children wings to fly - to look at life and say why not? to try new and different things and if they don't work and things get kind of weird you can always go back to your roots and re-group.

that doesn't mean you give up or quit trying -it just means you get to recharge your batteries. kelsey is fortunate she has a place to go home to where she can recharge. my parents died young. i can't go back to my roots and re-group or ask for advice or anything like that. it sucks.

i have people to talk to - but not like my parents. and i get well intentioned words from very good friends that i can always talk to them but they just answer in different ways. yeah i know that. BUT- it's not the same and some days there is no comfort in that AT.ALL. so instead of having roots i drift.

if mom were here right now i'd ask her how to help kelsey and her sibs process the past few weeks. how to get kelsey back on track. how to get josh to see beyond his insecurities about college and just try out for the speech/debate team. right now these two kids have their wings clipped because they are afraid to fly. biz - my not very brave but wonderfully charming biz is bound and determined to go to Ecuador as a volunteer for three weeks this summer. BY. HER. SELF. she won't know any of the other volunteers. this is huge for her. really huge. and carolyne is out there in the real world making her own decisions with out parental support for the first time. like buying a car and getting a loan all on her own. scary but -she is doing well.

baby birds don't fly unless you push them out of the nest. some just need a firmer nudge than others.

 outside the lines