coloring outside the lines is scary business-somedays I don't have the courage for it at all- on my big bold days I like to let my red crayon streak out across the lines with my purple in perfect freedom with no lines! coloring outside the lines can be lonely too.....
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
those of you who are close to me know what has been happening in my life the past few months. my daughter has fallen into the depression pit deeper than i have ever been. her pain was so intense she tried to end her life. thankfully it failed. how can i expect her to hold her head up high and keep going on with her life if i don't come clean about my own.
kelsey's suicide attempt placed her in a mental health ward in the hospital for a week. she is only 21.
i was 23 when i spent a week in a mental health ward in a hospital.
being on a psych ward is an oxymoron- truly- it is scary and safe at the same time-after all, you are the only sane person among people with PROBLEMS and you don't have any problems- well none that you are going to share with anyone and you really don't belong there......but really you do belong there and you do have problems
the doors are locked
you have no privacy
everything you say and do is being observed at all times
paranoia to some degree sets in
you are told when to wake up when to eat when to go to group when to take drugs when to sleep
it sucks. A LOT. and yet it is safe because you don't have to make any decisions and you don't have to think except when you are in talk therapy and you have to confront the demons that landed you there in the first place
but at the end of it i came out with a better understanding of what was going on inside me. i was given tools to use to help keep me from falling so deep into depression that i ended up on a psych ward again. i vowed it would never get that bad as i walked out the doors and they locked behind me.