auld lange syne

old friends-not old as in a number- old as in a friend you have known all your life and no matter what they still accept you for who you are and for who you are not. years can go by and the moment you see them again it's like no time has passed...and you remember all the reasons why this person is your friend. so i raise a cup to you my friend

Auld Lang Syne

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of  auld lang syne?

Chorus:

For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For days of auld lang syne.

Chorus

We twa hae ran about the braes,(hills)
And pu'd the gowans(daisies) fine,
But we've wander'd many a weary fit (miles)
Since days of auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn
Frae morning sun til dine,
But seas between us braid(broad) hae roar'd
Since days of auld lang syne.

Chorus
And surely ye'll be your pint' stoup
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne

And there's a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand o' thine,
And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught (friendly draught)
For auld lang syne!

Chorus

chaos, tension and a little fruitcake

that would describe my family. the one i was born into- the one with 9 siblings. individually i can handle each one pretty well and it can be a pleasant encounter. i can even take on certain sibs in pairs and it's good and entertaining. once you get more than three of us in a room tension builds. to be honest everyone has a certain amount of crazy in them. some just have more than others. don't get me wrong i love each and every one of my 7 remaining siblings. ( and no i did not kill two of them and if i had it would not be the two that have died) i know there are some great case studies out there about family dynamics and most major magazines have at least one article dedicated to holiday stress and family and coping.

the one thing that never gets addressed is tolerance and manners. so here is my christmas gift to the universe. feel free to spread the message and maybe we can have a less crazy christmas.

1. do the dishes. when tensions are running high the best thing in the world is hot soapy dish water and it buys you some alone time.
2. keep your mouth shut! if you can't say anything nice- don't say anything at all - even if you KNOW you are right and they are WRONG. this is not the time to settle and win arguments.
3. behave. forget santa- your children are watching EVERYTHING and children learn by example. do you want them to turn out just like your least favorite relative?
4. give me a hug/kiss should not be spoken. read universal body language- arms wide open mean yes you may hug/kiss me. if not your demands just piss people off.
5. keep your opinion to yourself. or at least hold it until you are back in your own environment away from the family and then by all means express yourself.
6. you can handle anything for a short amount of time. as long as you remember you can escape because you do have two legs. no one said you had to be the last one to leave. 5 hours is more than enough time to visit  before dinner, eat, help clean, and then say goodbye.
7. embrace the uniqueness. this one is not as easy as it sounds but honestly when you are talking about your family to friends and you are looking back on things with those time and distance rose colored glasses you know that you are proud to say that each member of your family is unique and you might even be secretly proud of that - until you walk through the door that is. everyone is different and that includes you.
8. please check all baggage at the door. remember that you are an adult now so please act like one and stop reverting to pre-adolescent behavior. if it was one of YOUR kids acting that way you'd be all over them in a second.

and finally- if the people in your family act true to form you can control at least your portion of the situation in the following ways:
 change your regular responses to aggravating family members

shrug off insults, challenges, and criticisms.

avoid past betrayals, mistakes, failures – both yours and others’.

don’t expect people to change (unless you change first).

Happy Holidays

what does it mean to be real?

excerpt from "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Williams

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it. "What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.
"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him.

i have loved this book ever since i stumbled upon it in the children's library in 4th grade. i read it to my children when they were young and i will give copies of it to my grandchildren. each time i read this story i see something new. another layer...a new meaning....

how do you become real? through the love of others....and hope so simple.

it is in giving love that we receive the greatest gift

i'm still here

can you see me?

would you even notice

if i turned and walked away?

if i just dissappeared

and left nothing- not even a memory

that you could hold

i'm screaming on the inside

holding everything in

and wishing i could

walk away

 dissappear

but i'm still here

miss cranky pants and the word NO

i am one of those people who get involved. and when i am involved in something i give it 100%. i can't say yes to something and then only give it a little bit of attention. i have been trying to resign from our local community theatre for the past few months. it's on the agenda but no one seems to want to discuss it. i am president of the board and have been for several years. i enjoy being involved with the theatre because i get to indulge in my need to express my self by designing sets and costumes. my area of expertise in theatre is making it all look fabulous. and i'm not going to lie- i do damn fine job of it! it would be great if that was all i had to do.

the past couple of productions have proved to me that it is time to step down. i have been a total bitch to be around and that is not good for anyone. so it's time to step down and step away from the stage. the only thing that keeps me in place is this- no one else wants to step in and take it on. so, if i walk away what happens and should i care? i do care because i've been involved in community theatre since i was 12 years old. AND I LOVE IT!

i just don't want to be in charge anymore. so what do i do? how do i find other people to get involved and take some of the responsibility off my shoulders? if that would happen i'd stay because i really do love it.

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.

 It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." ~Albert Schweitzer

The one thing about living with a mental illness is how isolating it is. No one else can see what's really going on inside your head and there are days when you don't really want to know. I have days - too many of them- where my inner fire starts to die out, but, I am very, very good at hiding it.

I am thankful for those people in my life who rekindle my inner spirit. Most of them don't realize that is what they do for me.

there is always room for one more

thanksgiving ranks higher on my holiday list than Christmas. why? thanksgiving doesn't depress me the way Christmas does, you see,  it's all about the kitchen table. when I was growing up the kitchen was the center of our home. it was the place where everyone gathered at least once a day. i listened to my parents discuss and debate. it's where i learned about politics, religion, current events, table manners and family history. important family events were first heard at the dinner table. we didn't have a lot when i was a kid. there were 10 of us around the table and from past dinner conversations that i can remember it was difficult at times to make sure there was enough to go around. in spite of that my parents also felt that no matter what there was always room for one more at our table and frequently there was an extra person at the table. conversation was not always polite and well modulated. sometimes it was loud and argumentative-boisterous and opinionated with lots of hand gestures.



This is not a picture of my actual family. My sister Jackie has
all the pictures. It's a sore subject- don't ask.



i remember once going to eat at a friends house and they didn't talk at the dinner table. they didn't share their day. they didn't discuss the latest news or politics or stories. i can't remember what i ate because the food wasn't flavored by wonderful conversation.

i still live in the house i grew up in. i bought it after my mother died. so now i am the one waiting for kids to come home from college. getting the kitchen ready for cooking and spending pretty much most of the next few days there. i will listen to my kids catch up since they haven't seen each other in awhile.

we will sit around the table tonight elbow deep in flour as we roll out cavatelli dough and make them by hand just like i did when i was the one home from college. the conversation will be loud punctuated with raucous laughter as the clever repartee flies. i will stir the sauce and baste the turkey. i know my parents will be with me as i gather my family- my children, husband, step children and anyone else that have been invited to the table and inside i will say a prayer of thanksgiving that i am surrounded by love and i will send love out to all those who do not have a table to sit at.

there is always room for one more at my table.