august

august has a feeling all its own. it's not june with all the promise of endless summer and its not july with picnics and celebrations. august is hot and humid and just there. you look at august and can see the start of another school year on the same calender page. when it's august you are getting tired of watering the flowers and picking tomatoes and eating sweet corn has lost its special treat appeal. you know what's really depressing about august? the stores have halloween candy on the shelves already.......

if you could turn back time.....

if you could go back to one moment in your life and change it what would it be? you could go back and relive three weeks of your life- 21 days- would you change anything? would your life be only slightly different or monumentally so? and finally when you come back would you choose to remember the events? free will can make for some pretty interesting life paths. so would you?

and once again we crash

mother nature has a sense of humor- it's called iowa- only i am not laughing. we endured a particularly nasty winter. spring will come and this will be a bad memory was our mantra to get us through it. and arrive spring did- for about two weeks. now we are back to cold, wind, rain and overcast skies. thanks mom. seriously- i don't think my mental health can take much more of it.

it's a roller coaster ride and you can't get off

the funny thing about depression is the highs and lows.it's been a pretty good few days for me. life isn't so gray and i've been able to really focus on some pretty good stuff. the meds are supposed to even things out but some times meds just can't block certain things. like the calander from moving forward and move it has because i looked at it and saw that tomorrow is April 16th and nine years ago i sat in the doctors office with my mother and heard him tell her she had cancer and they didn't know where it orginated from. three months later she was dead.

can we stop now? i'd like to get off...

rhymes with orange

nothing rhymes with orange- that's why orange is such a weird word. it doesn't know where it fits in. it's a color it's a flavor it's a fruit. and you can't make up a silly song that rhymes with it and it's hard to use in poetry. if i say i am feeling blue or everything is rosy you know what i mean. i can feel peachy and there is the apple of my eye. there is black comedy and everyone wants to go green. brown rhymes with a lot of words and everyone wants to be in the pink but not thought of as yellow. but orange? today I feel like orange... 'nuff said.

dark days

I have a student who is pretty cool. He's different and a bit of a misfit but then I find that most of my art students are like that. I'm a misfit too! One day he wandered into the studio and I asked how hios day was going. He sat down and said I'm having a dark day. All I want to do it talk. So we did. I totally understand a 'dark day'. And it seems that depresison and being creative are connected. Talking helps when I am feeling dark.

just wondering....

When I was a kid I practically lived otdoors. As soon as I could I'd be out the door and outside playing with my friends and stopping to eat was an annoyance more than anything. Our neighborhood was filled with kids and their was always a game of kick the can or pickle or steal the flag going on. If no one was out side yet you hung out in your drive way shooting hoops or bouncing a playground ball. It didn't take long before one or two kids joined you and next thing you knew you had a game of four square or horse going on.

Now I hardly ever spend time outside it seems. I walk to and from my car. When I get home afterwork I might sit out on the deck. We are supposed to have very nice weather this week. Sunny and warm- I'll be indoors working all day. Maybe that's part of my depression. Maybe the Europeans have it right- from noon to three we all lock our doors and go home, eat lunch, sit outside and relax or putz in the garden-soak up some vitamin D and fresh air then go back to work. Maybe there would be fewer depressed people.

~it's just a thought-